Late Joke

I was upset but not too surprised when I saw flashing lights in my rearview mirror. “I’m terribly sorry officer” I said “I was just trying to make it to a meeting on time.” “That’s a shame” the officer said upon handing me my ticket, “what time is the meeting called for?” “Three o’clock” I said. The officer looked at his watch, “you could probably still make it if you hurry up!”

Drunk Driving Joke

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could

Speeding Ticket Joke

So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting. She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40. A cop pulls her over and says “ma’am, can I please see your license?” She says “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.” His brow furrows and he straightens up. “Well, can I please see the registration of your car?” She says “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.” “Ma’am, DON’T MOVE, I’m calling for backup.” He mutters furiously into his walkie-talkie… Five minutes later, half the

Parking Fine Joke

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend, there was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

Fax Joke

“Can you please fax over your resume?” asked the interviewer.
“I’m sorry” responded the blonde, “it’s my only copy!”

Shoe Joke

A blonde walks into a shoe store to try on a pair of shoes. After trying on a pair she complained that they were a bit tight. “Try pulling the tongue out,” suggests the sales clerk. “Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” responds the blonde.

Dumb Blonde Joke

Can you check if my rear blinker works?” hollered the brunette to the blonde pedestrian walking by.
“Sure,” responded the blonde, heading to the back of the car.
 “Ok,” said the brunette pushing the switch, “is it working?” “Yes, no, yes, no…”