retards but I really wanted to lose my virginity to a boy based solely on his looks, since I couldn't find one who was worth my time, and I was fucking horny living among all those pliable sun-bleached-brained boys.
Sauntered around surfer boy party looking for boy to fuck. Wanted sex unbelievably badly would possibly explode upon contact. Girls looked at me knowing that I'd come alone, I didn't like any of them, it wasn't my scene, and I was invading their boy cliques. Held beer in keg cup and eyed up every last one of them fearlessly, I respected none of them and I walked as if in a force field, eyes roving like the Terminator's.
There were 4 boys that all girls wanted. They were the shining stars of El Toro High School. They were known as the Grommets, like the fish that played in the ocean in the day and fucked on the beach at night. They were golden. The sun kissed their eyebrows that flickered with their confidence. More than any of them I wanted a boy named Andy. It stuns me, I must have just forgot his last name over the last year or two. Maybe I'll remember it. Something with an S. I wanted him so bad and he'd never known I existed. I didn't want to know him, I just wanted to fuck him. So I never approached him or talked to him at school. I just walked by and lusted. His best friend was Mark Gotro. Mark was hot, he was a grommet. The four of them were huddled together near the keg and I listened as I pumped more beer in my cup. Andy was explaining that his goal for the evening was Really Big Tits. That's all he wanted, all he cared about. He was a year older and had been fucking for what I imagined as ages. This killed me because I was a budding B-cup back then.
It also reduced my inhibitions of approaching them, knowing I had no chance. So I introduced myself and looked round at them, these fifteen and sixteen year old kings. We chatted and Paul, the least cute one of the four, but still quite fuckable, seemed rather interested. I remember mentioning I'd been in such a hurry slipping out of my house unnoticed I hadn't even worn underwear! My palm over my cherry holding lips.
Then a miracle occured. Kevin Gotro, uber-king of the surfers of Laguna Beach, Mark's older brother, all eighteen hunky years of him appeared. He tousled Mark's hair complaining that his little brother's party was all there was to do that night. His skin so tan it made freckles in his cheeks, where his cheekbones lit, he stood above us in all his six footed glory with his strong broad shoulders and his golden eyes danced as if he were a wise old man and we were all just a bunch of silly gullz and boyz drinking kool-aid. I didn't say anything to him. I just stared at him. I asked his brother which room was his. Mark grinned and loudly announced my query, exactly as I knew he would. Kevin grinned at me. I just stared. He said "you wanna see?"
We went upstairs. I had fantasized about this for half my life up till that point. I was going to be a tigress. I would say all sorts of brilliant and witty quips. But instead what flicked through my mind was an episode of the Wonder Years that had played last night. Where he'd stood with Winnie on a hill and they were finally, fucking Finally, going to tell each other they liked each other. They stood on the hill and he drew circles with his foot. It symbolized shyness, and deep feelings of adoration that could not be spoken. In the bedroom there was thin shitty carpeting and my foot tried to draw circles, I tried to be the sweet innocent girl with the older man, but my foot kept catching on the carpet and I must have looked really foolish. He stared at me grinning for a while. Then he went up to the bed, which was a bunk bed. He didn't use the bottom, the bottom was removed for space. The lights were out. We kissed up there in the top corner of his room. It was the very first time I'd ever french kissed. It was like swimming underwater in a simmering cave. I forgot about sex, I just wanted to kiss him. I never wanted to stop kissing. At that point in my life I masturbated probably two or three times a day at minimum. Somedays I just let myself have it all afternoon. Being a latchkey kid and all. So I really only thought I wanted sex, but then I dove into his mouth and never wanted to come out. Light came in through the window and I would open my eyes for just a moment to glimpse him, afraid he'd stop if he saw my eyes. But his remained closed, and I stole more and more glances, astounded that I was kissing such a handsome man.
Then Andy came in. With a girl. I didn't look down, but I knew, he'd found a girl with big tits. Kevin said nothing he just kept kissing me and I sure as hell wasn't going to stop him. We moved our tongues and felt each others bodies while we listened to Andy get her breasts. She was resisting, stupidly, trying to make the situation more than it was. As if she weren't making out at a kegger in a room with other people in it. He was being as insensitive as a sixteen year old charmed shit can be. She was as secure of herself as any fifteen year old would be: does he really just want me for my tits? Yes sweetie, he does. And It's Ohhhkayyy.
Finally she relented and in the silence we felt him grope her to his heart's content. Our tongues still rolling like the waves he surfed, this made Kevin huge and by then we were naked. I was more wet than I'd ever been before, so much so it blew my mind. In the streetlight I saw his form mount over me, and my engorged lips hung open mouthed at the sight. It was heaven that form in that lighting, above me, about to take me. The girl below me said, "Andy", and Kevin glanced down for a second, which meant he had to whip his hair back across his face to clear his eyes, which was music. My legs were too close, and he fumbled trying to get in, and then he pushed.
It was the most painful thing I'd ever felt. I felt I'd broken bones, I'd never walk again, I felt the heat of the body's reactions to pain well like a pool over my pelvis, with Andy below I tried to not to make a sound, I tried to whisper, Please, no, it hurts too much, take it out.
Andy's voice bolted up as he rose from his molesting, "Yeaaah! Kevin!! Dang!"
Kevin was not to be distracted. He tried to soothe me, petting my hair back from my forehead saying he just needed to be gentle and slow and then it would be good. He tried to pull him out slowly and even that felt like I was being torn at. I let him push in once more and it felt no better, which seemed the cruelest joke of the gods to be played on me of many well done ridicules. I begged him off, with him becoming invisible to me in my despair. He laid back and whined, "Well, can, you, at least, suck it?"
I'd never done that before, of course, and the results were hysterical. Since all I'd ever heard was "suck it" and "blow job" I actually thought you just sucked it like a lollipop. No up or down, just put your mouth around it and suck, come up for air, apparently, as it turned out to be necessary to do, and then - blow? So, I sucked like a vaccuum, squeezing it tighter and tighter until I had to release, and then blew on the tip. He let me go on like that for quite a while, which must have just baffled him to no end, finally pushing me off, saying nevermind, and we all fell to sleep.
At dawn, I heard him awake and I feigned sleep for a moment. He sat up slowly enough at first, and then after a moment's pause, bolted out of the bed and there was great commotion in his bathroom, and then I heard his famous Orange VW bus peel away from his own house. Hurt, but
not surprised given the events of the prior evening, I sat up. There was blood literally as though I had been murdered all over the sheets, my legs, the blanket, Everything. It was like Carrie. I couldn't understand how that much blood could have come from me. Later I would learn that it wasn't just Kevin who got me so wet, I had indeed simulteanously started my period that night. I groped to the bathroom, stunned that I was dripping blood the whole way there, and tried to wipe myself as best I could.
I snuck back in the house through the doggie door, couldn't shower at that wee hour without Mom knowing I'd been out, so I slept for a few hours longer in my mess. In the full Sunday morning, after my shower, I went to Mom for Tampax.
"Oh! My little girl has become a woman!" She cried.
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